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    You are at:Home » News » Craic » 30 stone man denies eating fast-food every night has anything to do with his weight
    Craic Satire

    30 stone man denies eating fast-food every night has anything to do with his weight

    Meanwhile in Ireland TeamBy Meanwhile in Ireland TeamOctober 3, 2019No Comments3 Mins Read
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    Am obese County Sligo obese man has taken to the airways to quash rumours that his excess weight is the result of overeating fast-food.

    Billy O’Brien (37) of Sligo Town spoke to Sligo FM local radio’s Mid Morning with Julia the highly popular current affairs programme.

    Also in the studio was Doctor Cynthia Harris a leading specialist in nutrition.

    O’Brien told presenter Julia Fitzgibbon “I totally deny that my XXXXXL size is the result of eating fast food,” he said. Even as a child I was considered a big lad.” He continued while shifting his weight between two chairs.

    Dr Harris interjected and asked O’Brien “what type of meals did your mother prepare for the family when you were growing up?”

    O’Brien was quick to answer “she didn’t need to cook all that much,” he replied. “You see we were lucky to live just down the road from the chipper and it was easier for her to send one of us up for a takeaway. God rest her, the poor woman.”

    “But surely you eat something more nutritious than takeaway food, How about vegetables and a proper balance diet?” The Doctor asked.

    “Ah Jaysus, it was well and truly well balanced,” O’Brien replied. “Some days we’d have the few burgers then on other days we’d have the battered sausages and of course on a Fridays we’d have a big lump of battered fish. As for vegetables, shur didn’t we always have chips with everything.”

    No Reason to Change

    “And how about what the types of food you eat now?” Dr Harris asked O’Brien.

    “Well,” O’Brien explained. “I sees no reason to change me diet. I’ve been going to the same chipper and burger-joint for the past thirty-odd-years and it’s never done me any harm.

    “The staff there knows me — they knows just how I like my food, plenty of salt and vinegar on the chips and an added portion of fried onions on the side.” He revealed.

    No Fancy Stuff for Me

    “But how about your calorific, saturated fat, sodium and sugar intake?” Dr Harris asked — a bit amazed.

    “Ah, Jaysus no,” O’Brien replied. “My local chipper doesn’t serve any of them fancy stuffs. No, it’s only plain burgers, fish and great big chips they have. They tried those sugar-free colas once but they never sold.”

    “Depression Me Arse!”

    “But do you realise that people who overindulge on fast-foods are fifty per cent more likely to suffer from depression.” Dr Harris pointed out.

    “Depression me arse!” O’Brien replied. “Jaysus if I’m feeling the bit down in meself. I just gets in the car and drives down the street to the chipper for a good feed of battered sausages and chips.”

    “But you told us the chipper is only a hundred yards from your house would it not be more healthy to walk?” Dr Harris asked.

    “Yeah, but the chips do get cold fierce fast, so I drive,” O’Brien explained.

    At this stage the time allotted for the segment ran out. Julia thanked both Dr Harris and Billy O’Brien then went to music.

    As Billy was helped from the chair the cardio resuscitation team that had been on standby — a precaution insisted upon by the radio station’s insurance company — outside the studio were stood down. And both Dr Harris and went for a celery salad lunch.

    It’s believed, though invited, Billy didn’t join them.

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    This article is satire. Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend. However, if you are offended, please inform us formally via a letter. You can ensure it gets to us by placing it in the nearest recycling bin.

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    Meanwhile in Ireland Team

    The Meanwhile in Ireland team is dedicated to bringing you the best in Irish humour, news, and viral content. Since our launch in 2014, we’ve amassed over 900,000 social media followers and hundreds of thousands of annual readers. Our mission is to entertain with our trademark dry Irish humour, satire, and sarcasm while also sharing Ireland’s unique culture and current affairs. Our writers, all native or long-time residents of Ireland, deliver authentic, high-quality articles recognised by award organisations in Ireland and the UK. Enjoy the craic!

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