Father Ted Episode Guide: every episode ranked from best to worst

We tasked our very own Father Ted TV Critic to assemble the ultimate critique of one of the greatest Irish shows ever produced. We have ranked every episode from best to worst in our Father Ted Episode Guide.

Father Ted Episode Guide: every episode ranked from best to worst

Father Ted is the pinnacle of Irish TV; a much-loved sitcom that has become a cult classic on the Emerald Isle and across the globe.

Following the lives of three priests and their housekeeper on the fictional landmass of Craggy Island, the series, which first aired in 1995, became an instant sensation.

Although Father Ted ran only for three seasons and had wrapped by 1998, its cult status reigns ’til this very day.

The fictional scene of Craggy Island that is the setting of Father Ted.
The fictional scene of Craggy Island that is the setting of Father Ted.

The show is critically renowned for its writing by Graham Linehan and Arthur Mathews which details the absurd lives of the parochial house inhabitants: Father Ted Crilly (Dermot Morgan), Father Dougal McGuire (Ardal O’Hanlon), Father Jack Hackett (Frank Kelly) and Mrs Doyle (Pauline McLynn).

A string of accolades including Best Comedy at the BAFTAs and fans such as Steven Speilberg only cement its universal popularity. In fact, Maurice Gibb of the Bee Gees was buried with a box set of the series!

Celebrating and satirizing Irish culture, the sitcom is not only aimed at an Irish audience, but it is accessible for any viewer who enjoys biting wit and sarcastic undertones.

In an attempt to give this show the documentation and consideration it deserves, we began a global search for a Father Ted TV Critic who could help us design the ultimate guide to the series.

With over 200 applications pouring in from different countries around the world, our final candidate was chosen to come on board and undertake a massive responsibility: to definitively rank each Father Ted episode, from best to worst. Not an easy feat.

The complete and comprehensive Father Ted Episode Guide.
Credit: whatsontv.com

These are the fruits of a labour of love. We hope you enjoy!

The Father Ted Episode Guide

RatingSeasonEpisodeEpisode Name
1033‘Speed 3’
9.5NAThe Christmas Special (1996)‘A Christmassy Ted’
9.325‘A Song For Europe’
923‘Tentacles of Doom’
8.829‘New Jack City’
8.627‘Rock A Hula Ted’
8.513‘The Passion of Saint Tibulus’
8.331‘Are You Right There, Father Ted?’
8210‘Flight into Terror’
7.724‘Old Grey Whistle Theft’
7.635‘Escape from Victory’
7.515‘And God Created Woman’
7.426‘The Plague’
7.337‘Night of the Nearly Dead’
7.228‘Cigarettes, Alcohol and Rollerblading’
7.136‘Kicking Bishop Brennan Up the Arse’
732‘Chirpy Burpy Cheap Sheep’
6.734‘The Mainland’
6.611‘Good Luck, Father Ted’
6.516‘Grant Unto Him Eternal Rest’
6.414‘Competition Time’
6.322‘Think Fast, Father Ted’
612‘Entertaining Father Stone’
538‘Going to America’

1. ‘Speed 3’ – Season 3, Episode 3 (10)

SCORE: 10/10

Summary: In this take-off of Hollywood blockbuster, Speed, Ted fights to save the day from a bomb-ridden milk truck belonging to Pat Mustard, the lusty new milkman.

Plot Line: 10/10

An explosive milk truck presents a dilemma for Ted while promiscuous Pat Mustard carries on with the housewives of Craggy Island, giving this episode an unusual risqué air.

Laugh-O-Meter: 10/10

From the opening credits to the explosive finale, the writing and performances combine to make this one of the funniest – if not the funniest – of episodes in the entire series.

One-Liners: 10/10

Frequent re-runs testify to this episode’s sheer brilliance, keeping its one-liners on the lips of Ted fans everywhere.

‘Well, Ted, I’m very cynical as you know.’

‘Pat was wondering if he could put his massive tool in my box.’

2. ‘Hell’ – Season 2, Episode 1 (9.6)

SCORE: 9.6/10

Summary: This episode is one of the most memorable for its setting (a dismal holiday caravan park), as well as a cameo appearance from Graham Norton as Father Noel Furlong, making it deserving of its high spot on the Father Ted Episode guide.

Plot Line: 10/10

Inspired by a million dreary camping holidays in Ireland, this episode truly packs it all in. Even though the audience knows it will all end in disaster for Ted, it is impossible to avert one’s gaze from the impending doom.

Laugh-O-Metre: 10/10

The episode offers endless silly scenes including:

Father Jack in his Victorian-style bathing suit with bucket and spade and rubber ring.

Father Larry Duff, crashing to his death as he tries to take a phone call from Ted.

The tiniest of tiny caravans toppling over with Saint Luke’s Youth Group Irish dancing inside.

One-Liners: 9/10

‘Hell’ is arguably the most-quoted episodes in all of the series. Top moments include:

‘There’s cocaine in it…’

‘Are those my feet?’

‘You’ve a lovely voice. Very like Celine Dion!’

3. ‘A Christmassy Ted’ (9.5)

SCORE: 9.5/10

Summary: As the only ever Christmas Special, this episode is unforgettable in more ways than one. The pinnacle moment of this double-length instalment is a band of priests getting lost in a women’s lingerie department. Pure comedy gold.

Plot Line: 8.5/10

It would have been obvious to write a nativity story. Yet, the writers have stayed true to Craggy Island crazy, creating an unforgettably absurd Christmas by mashing two distinct ideas together: the lingerie section and the Golden Cleric Award ceremony.

Laugh-O-Metre: 10/10

If surrealism is not to your liking, there are plenty of laughs underneath the Christmas tree for viewers who prefer straight-up gags. Our top pick is when Dougal leaves Father Jack at the creche in the department store. By the time he leaves, Jack has spelt out “feck, arse, drink” in blocks, while toddlers around him scream his trademark profanities.

One-Liners: 10/10

‘A Christmassy Ted’ is the gift that keeps on giving in the one-liners department. There are tonnes to choose from, but it’s Jack’s outburst: ‘a pair of feckin’ women’s knickers’, that gets a special mention.

4. ‘A Song For Europe’ – Season 2, Episode 5 (9.3)

SCORE: 9.3/10

Summary: Dougal and Ted compete to write a winning Eurosong. Their road to success offers endless absurdities, competitor rivalry and a splash of plagiarism. Yet the fruit of their labour – which earns them the title – is an absolute banger: ‘My Lovely Horse’.

Plot Line: 10/10

The rivalry between Father Ted and Dick Byrne is reignited here. Their childish behaviour in sparkly jackets comes under the spotlight, proving that priests really can be rock stars.

Laugh-O-Metre: 10/10

It is hard to convey just how funny the writing is here. Blink, and you’ll miss out on all the fun. The design team has outdone themselves, too. Watch out for the list of entries behind Fred Rickwood.

One-Liners: 8/10

Almost every line in ‘A Song for Europe’ could stand on its own in the Father Ted hall of fame:

‘Just play the f-ing note.’

‘Giddy up and shave a bullock’.

‘Go and count your sour grapes before they hatch.’ 

5. ‘Tentacles of Doom’ – Season 2, Episode 3 (9)

The Father Ted Episode Guide. 'Tentacles of Doom' – Season 2, Episode 3
Credit: fatherted.gifglobe.com

SCORE: 9/10

Summary: Three Bishops come to Craggy Island to upgrade the Holy Stone of Clonrichert, while a plumbing problem in the parochial house acts as the leading catalyst for craziness in this plotline.

Plot Line: 9/10

The arrival of the Bishops allows the writers to expand on a common theme in the series: priests who know absolutely nothing about religion. The uniquely religious bent of ‘Tentacles of Doom’ lends itself to all manner of madness in the cult of Father Ted.

Laugh-O-Metre: 8/10

The combined performance of the ensemble cast makes this episode one of the best examples of side-splitting slapstick comedy in the whole series.

One-Liners: 10/10

The most iconic one-liner of this episode: ‘that would be an ecumenical matter’. Although most Irish people still do not know the true meaning of this phrase, it need not matter. It is forever etched into the Irish consciousness and can be used to diffuse any sticky situation.

6. New Jack City – Season 2, Episode 9 (8.8)

The Father Ted Episode Guide. New Jack City – Season 2, Episode 9
Credit: fathertedguide.co.uk

SCORE: 8.8/10

Summary: Father Jack develops a mysterious and highly contagious infection causing hair to grow on his hands. This leads to his hospitalisation, and Father Fintan Stack is sent to replace him in the parochial house in his absence. Ultimately, mayhem ensues.

Plot Line: 6.5/10

‘New Jack City’ sees another unwelcome visitor to Craggy Island, only this time Father Stack is here to stay – unless Ted can find a way to get rid of him. One of the best on the Father Ted Episode Guide.

Laugh-O-Metre: 9/10

Endlessly entertaining, the hair-raising story of the imposter is the meat on the bones of a series of silly scenarios.

One-Liners: 11/10

This one deserves an eleven in the one-liners department. Let us not forget, Dougal: ‘We’re all going to heaven, lads! Waaaheeey!’ Special shout out to Stack, too: ‘I’ve had my fun, and that’s all that matters’.

7. ‘Rock A Hula Ted’ – Season 2, Episode 7 (8.6)

The Father Ted Episode Guide. 'Rock A Hula Ted' – Season 2, Episode 7
Credit: wikipedia.org

SCORE: 8.6/10

Summary: Popstar and radical feminist Niamh Connolly comes to Craggy Island, just as the Lovely Girls Competition kicks off. It’s a perfect formula for absolute anarchy.

Plot Line: 7/10

The writers satirise two elements of Irish culture: preachy rock stars like Sinead O’Connor and the Rose of Tralee, a pageant from a by-gone era.

Laugh-O-Metre: 9/10

Loaded with jokes, irony and clever clichés, ‘Rock a Hula Ted’ is up there with the funniest episodes. The wheels really start to come off when Ted’s advice to Dougal backfires. It’s expert idiot level here, as he tries to make Niamh more comfortable.

One-Liners: 10/10

This iconic episode has a couple of crackers you will no doubt have heard before:

‘They all have lovely bottoms.’

‘Cowboys Ted!’

8. ‘The Passion of Saint Tibulus’ – Season 1, Episode 3 (8.5)

SCORE: 8.5/10

Summary: A blasphemous film is now showing on Craggy Island. Ted, Dougal, and Jack, acting as representatives of the Catholic Church, must take a stand against the film in the name of public decency. In a turn of events, they end up becoming the unwitting publicists for the film.

Plot Line: 9/10

The plotline in ‘The Passion of Saint Tibulus’ clearly takes aim at the Catholic Church on two fronts: its failed attempts at censorship, and its cavorting clergy. The writers’ satirical eye is a constant theme throughout this Father Ted Episode Guide.

Laugh-O-Metre: 8.5/10

Touching on deeper social topics while retaining a childish innocence seen in the characters, ‘The Passion of Saint Tibulus’ offers some of the most memorable moments in all of the three seasons.

One-Liners: 8/10

These are just three of the most memorable lines from the series:

‘That money was just resting in my account.’

‘Careful now.’

‘Down with that sort of thing.’

9. ‘Are You Right There, Father Ted?’ – Season 3, Episode 1 (8.3)

SCORE: 8.3/10

Summary: On returning to Craggy Island, Ted finds that a healthy population of Chinese people now inhabit the fictional landmass. If you are easily offended, look away now. This episode has the potential to be controversial as it touches on topics including racism and shocking right-wing ideologies, such as Nazism.

Plot Line: 7/10

Having returned to a newly diversified Craggy Island, Ted makes a complete fool out of himself, trying desperately (and unsuccessfully) to prove, once and for all, that he is not a racist.

Laugh-O-Metre: 9/10

Almost all of the laughs here come from Ted’s clumsy social interactions. But there are some excellently executed stunts and special effects that will have the audience rolling in the aisles.

One-Liners: 9/10

This is not an episode for the faint-hearted, so naturally, some of the one-liners might ruffle feathers. Most well-known one-liners include:

‘I hear you’re a racist now Father’

‘Feckin’ Greeks. They invented gayness.’

10. ‘Flight into Terror’ – Season 2, Episode 10 (8)

SCORE: 8/10

Summary: This episode chronicles the priests’ adventurous flight back from a pilgrimage to the Shrine at Kilnettle. Realising their impending doom, the narrative explores what priests may do in the face of death.

Plot Line: 8/10

Not necessarily original, the disaster-movie theme is appropriate as a season finale. The close confinement of such a large group of priests in the cabin of an aeroplane makes the audience feel a little voyeuristic.

Laugh-O-Meter: 9/10

This is top-notch stuff. The writers were on top of their game here. Since the characters were mostly static, the pressure was on to create stupid scenarios and to pen enough jokes to fill the air (excuse the pun). And, there is nothing to disappoint in this episode.

One-Liners: 7.5/10

Father Joe Briefly’s display of self-worth takes the gold here with: ‘I think I should get the parachute because I am great. In fact, I think I should get both parachutes in case one of them doesn’t work.’

11. ‘Old Grey Whistle Theft’ – Season 2, Episode 4 (7.7)

 'Old Grey Whistle Theft' – Season 2, Episode 4
Credit: fatherted.fandom.com

SCORE: 7.7/10

Summary: The rebellious Father Damo and Dougal become budding friends while Craggy Island’s sergeant’s whistle is stolen. Panic spreads rapidly as the search for the culprit gets underway.

Plot Line: 6/10

The plotline here is far less important than the unfolding relationship between Dougal and Father Damo. A combination of elements and bizarre twists and turns come together in the end to create a firm fan-favourite.

Laugh-O-Metre: 8/10

The less plot-driven scenes here are some of the funniest. For example, Mrs Doyle waits in the darkness with a tea-tray in case one of her beloved priests gets up; she has been there for three years apparently.

One-Liners: 10/10

Written for both an Irish and UK audience, Father Damo’s reference to the Britpop controversy is one reason why this episode is a true Father Ted classic.

Damo: ‘Who do you like better, Oasis or Blur?’

Dougal: ‘Eh, Blur.’

Damo: ‘Wha?’

Dougal: ‘Oasis! I mean…Oasis.’

12. ‘Escape From Victory’ – Season 3, Episode 5 (7.6)

SCORE: 7.6/10

Summary: It is time for the All-Priests-Five-a-Side-Over-75s-Indoor-Football-Challenge-Match. Expect lies, ludicrous gadgets and a losers forfeit which will keep viewers on the edge of their seat.

Plot Line: 6.5/10

The rivalry between the two islands comes in handy again. On this occasion, Craggy Island competes against arch-enemies Rugged Island in the slowest indoor football match you can possibly imagine.

Laugh-O-Metre: 9/10

It would be easy to dismiss this episode as just another competition between the two rivals, but to do so would be to overlook the match-day madness. A mouthful in itself, spectating at the Annual All-Priests-Five-a-Side-Over-75s-Indoor-Football-Challenge-Match is an experience like no other.

One-Liners: 8/10

This lesser-known episode is rich in enduring one-liners used by fans of the show.

‘Go on my son.’

‘Go wide, go wide.’

‘You’re not singing, you’re not singing, you’re not singing anymore.’

13. ‘And God Created Woman’ – Season 1, Episode 5 (7.5)

 'And God Created Woman' – Season 1, Episode 5
Credit: fatherted.gifglobe.com

SCORE: 7.5/10

Summary: Glamourous writer, Polly Clarke, comes to Craggy Island. Excited by a female presence, Ted transforms into an attempted Casanova. The storyline of celibate-priest-meets-glamourous-woman is more clichéd than the usual mad-cap stories, yet a firm fan favourite nonetheless.

Plot Line: 8/10

The great skill of Linehan and Matthews in this episode is marrying the conventional sitcom to the surreal carry on of the Craggy Island inhabitants.

Laugh-O-Metre: 8/10

There is lots of good old-fashioned fun at Ted’s expense in this side-splitting episode. His vanity is pathetic, and Ted is left with egg on his face no matter which way he turns.

One-Liners: 7/10

All the credit goes to Mrs Doyle for her unforgettable delivery of lines like ‘I’ll stick this f-ing pitchfork up your hole’ without drawing breath.

14. ‘The Plague’ – Season 2, Episode 6 (7.4)

SCORE: 7.4/10

Summary: From rampant rabbits to Father Jack’s bout of sleepwalking, ‘The Plague’ is superbly surreal and totally Father Ted, an essential part of the Father Ted Episode Guide.

Plot Line: 6/10

Not dissimilar to the scheme used in ‘The Passion of Saint Tibulus’, Ted’s boss comes to sort out a problem involving inappropriate nudity on Craggy Island, and an onslaught of absurdity ensues.

Laugh-O-Metre: 8/10

Fans of slapstick will enjoy this one for its physicality, whereas the die-hards take solace in the surrealism and abject absurdity. The addition of Father Ben as the opener to this episode is the cherry on top.

One-Liners: 8.5/10

‘The Plague’ ranks highly among the most quoted episodes, probably because the panic-stricken characters resort to custom Craggy Island curse words to express themselves:

‘Rats. Hairy Japanese Bastards.’

‘You’ll address me by my proper title, you little bollocks.’

15. ‘Night of the Nearly Dead’ – Season 3, Episode 7 (7.3)

'Night of the Nearly Dead' – Season 3, Episode 7
Credit: fatherted.gifglobe.com

SCORE: 7.3/10

Summary: Mrs Doyle wins a weekly poetry competition hosted by Eoin McLove, her ultimate crush. The prize is that the TV presenter will visit Craggy Island. ‘Night of the Nearly Dead’ is Father Ted‘s answer to a zombie movie. Complete with all the usual tropes and clichés, the writers have truly embraced the horror movie genre.

Plot Line: 5/10

TV presenter and crooner, Eoin McLove comes to visit Craggy Island in this hilarious take on a traditional zombie movie. A mob of menopausal women surround the parochial house, trapping all inside before Mrs Doyle saves the day.

Laugh-O-Metre: 10/10

Shawn of the Dead meets Father Ted in this laugh out loud episode. ‘Night of the Nearly Dead’ is a classic that will have you holding your sides.

One-Liners: 7/10

Although it’s not the most obscure episode, it’s up there amongst the more absurd:

‘Eoin McLove has a happy face.’

‘It’s like a big tide of jam coming towards us, but jam made out of old women.’

‘Go away. I don’t want to catch the menopause.’

16. ‘Cigarettes, Alcohol and Rollerblading’ – Season 2, Episode 8 (7.2)

The Father Ted Episode Guide. 'Cigarettes, Alcohol and Rollerblading' – Season 2, Episode 8
Credit: fatherted.gifglobe.com

SCORE: 7.2/10

Summary: Based around the traditional Catholic custom of Lent, this episode is another instalment of Father Ted which is ripe with Irish social commentary, along with loads of laughs.

Plot Line: 7/10

The mirroring of the two islands, the arrival of Sister Assumpta, and a quick visit from shopkeepers John and Mary gave Linehan and Matthews a winning formula once again.

Laugh-O-Metre: 8/10

There are some laugh out loud moments in this episode, though the surrealism is aimed at true fans.

One-Liners: 6.5/10

Father Ted fanatics will get a lot more from this episode and revel in some of the more obscure references, such as: ‘Two hundred pounds. I’m not trying to buy cocaine.’

17. ‘Kicking Bishop Brennan Up the Arse’ – Season 3, Episode 6 (7.1)

SCORE: 7.1/10

Summary: Following on from season three, episode five, this plot is based around the forfeit task Ted must complete for cheating in the football match. The task at hand: kicking Bishop Brennan, Ted’s superior, up the arse.

Plot Line: 6.5/10

The second installment of the one and only two-parter, ‘Kicking Bishop Brennan Up the Arse’ sees Ted’s villainous boss arrive to inspect a miraculous apparition at the parochial house. Ted plots to administer the offensive blow to complete his forfeit.

Laugh-O-Metre: 7.5/10

An immensely popular episode, this is an extension of the ‘completely ludicrous scenario’ theme of the previous episode. If the slapstick isn’t to your taste, there are plenty more jokes that will scratch that comedy itch.

One-Liners: 7/10

The one-liners here boast undeniable durability:

‘Don’t call me Len you little prick. I’m a Bishop.’

‘No, we’d rather die of thirst.’

‘I’m really enjoying this.’

18. ‘Chirpy Burpy Cheap Sheep’ – Season 3, Episode 2 (7)

SCORE: 7/10

Summary: Centring on the King of the Sheep Competition, this episode is known to be one of the most obscure in all of the series.

Plot Line: 7/10

‘Chirpy Burpy Cheap Sheep’ is almost like a murder mystery, with Ted as the sleuth detective, but the madness of this particular mystery is unmatched.

Laugh-O-Metre: 7.5/10

In ‘Chirpy Burpy Cheap Sheep’ the writers deliver enough silliness to keep the giggles coming. There’s far too much to choose from here, but Dougal’s descriptions of the monster are way up there. Mrs Doyle keeps special ‘sheep tea’ in the kitchen. And, shopkeepers John and Mary are up to their old tricks.

One-Liners: 6/10

Writers Linehan and Matthews save the best ‘til last here. The best one-liners stem from Ted during the King of The Sheep festival. ‘This competition is a sham, and a fraud, and a sham.’

19. ‘The Mainland’ – Season 3, Episode 4 (6.7)

SCORE: 6.7/10

Summary: Father Ted plans a trip to the mainland to collect winnings from a betting shop. Dougal wants to visit ‘The Very Dark Caves’. Father Jack needs new glasses, and Mrs Doyle arranges to meet her friend in the tea shop. All havoc breaks loose.

Plot Line: 7/10

A trip to the mainland provides an adventure for the Craggy Islanders in the big smoke. A celebrity cameo by Richard Wilson has Ted and Dougal running scared.

Laugh-O-Metre: 7/10

The big bad world just isn’t big enough to contain the wonderfully wacky Craggy Islanders. Away from their humble homestead, their antics seem so completely ludicrous and exaggerated on the mainland.

One-Liners: 6/10

Since the islanders visit the real world in this episode, we can expect some real-world titbits for use in everyday conversation:

‘Now if there is a fine or anything Mrs Dineen, I’ll pay it.’

‘Once again, you’ve made me look like a complete idiot in front of real people.’

‘I’m out of me head with the hunger.’

20. ‘Good Luck, Father Ted’ – Season 1, Episode 1 (6.6)

The Father Ted Episode Guide. 'Good Luck, Father Ted' – Season 1, Episode 1
Credit: fatherted.fandom.com

SCORE: 6.6/10

Summary: The first of 25 episodes of Father Ted offers an introduction to the cast of characters that inhabit the parochial house. This is a must-see beginners guide to the weird and wonderful Craggy Island.

Plot Line: 7.5/10

Linehan and Matthews plot device of filmmakers visiting Craggy Island is a clever way to persuade the viewer to leave reality behind and set sail for their imaginary island.

Laugh-O-Metre: 7/10

Sharp writing and quick-fire jokes merge with visual and physical comedy. There is Irish absurdity in abundance, and much like watching a slow-motion disaster, viewers simply cannot unglue their eyes from the mayhem that unfolds in this first episode.

One-Liners: 5/10

‘You’re right there, Ted’ is used on two occasions by Dougal. This phrase has entered the Irish vernacular and can be used to indicate complete assent or agreement in any given situation.

21. ‘Grant Unto Him Eternal Rest’ – Season 1, Episode 6 (6.5)

The Father Ted Episode Guide. 'Grant Unto Him Eternal Rest' – Season 1, Episode 6
Credit: fatherted.fandom.com

SCORE: 6.5/10

Summary: Father Jack is found dead, which paves the way for this episode. Ted and Dougal find they are the sole beneficiaries of a half a million pounds, yet when Jack wakes in his crypt, their fortune is lost.

Plot Line: 6/10

This episode takes an old-fashioned idea (in that someone dies leaving a large fortune). Still, it adds a usual twist: the recipients must undertake a daring task to secure their inheritance, creating the extraordinary out of the ordinary.

Laugh-O-Metre: 6/10

It really is a laugh a minute in this ludicrous episode. There’s Ted and Dougal’s awkward interactions with women, the fiasco of Dougal performing the last rites, the traditional Irish wake. Good observational comedy holds the mirror up to Irish society and our inability to speak ill of the dead amongst other Irishisms.

One-Liners: 7/10

The one-liners in this episode are totally absurd, but emblematic:

‘Because it wasn’t doing much business.’

‘Under the statue of Our Lord being embarrassed by the Romans.’ 

‘He could have been Pope, Ted.’

22. ‘Competition Time’ – Season 1, Episode 4 (6.4)

SCORE: 6.4/10

Summary: A disgraced BBC television presenter, Henry Sellars (played by Niall Buggy), comes to Craggy Island to judge the All Priests Stars in their Eyes Lookalike Competition. Fierce rivalry to take the title builds between the residents of Rugged Island and Craggy Island as costumes are donned, and gags are rolled out.

Plot Line: 5/10

Set against the backdrop of the All Priests Stars in their Eyes Lookalike Competition, this plot is an effective way to explore the rivalry between Ted and his nemesis, Dick Byrne.

Laugh-O-Metre: 6.5/10

From Jack’s substance-induced hallucinations to gender-swapping priests in absurd fancy dress, ‘Competition Time’ takes the surrealism of Father Ted to the next level. The jokes come thick and fast in this episode which is more like a tongue-in-cheek ode to Ireland’s obsession with the Eurovision song contest during the 90s.

One-Liners: 7/10

Although die-hard fans will most recall Henry Sellars’ angry outburst, ‘I made the BBC’, Dougal gets some of the best one-liners in this episode:

‘There’s only one Mother Teresa, and that’s you, Ted.’

‘You’d think he’d be taller.’

23. ‘Think Fast, Father Ted’ – Season 2, Episode 2 (6.3)

SCORE: 6.3/10

Summary: A leak threatening to collapse the roof of a very run-down looking parochial house sets the backdrop for ‘Think Fast, Father Ted’. A raffle competition provides the stage for the players and plot to unfold.

Plot Line: 6/10

The plotline of ‘Think Fast Father Ted’ is relatively simple. Ted has a problem: the leaky roof. Ted must find a way of fixing the problem: the raffle. The introduction of new characters, each with their unique quirks, complicates Ted’s scheme to rig the raffle, drawing out the action and offering plenty of opportunities for silly shenanigans.

Laugh-O-Metre: 7/10

Some may say this episode is more suited to true Father Ted fans, but there are still plenty of laughs to be had. From the image of Father Jack in a shower hat, giving the finger to Ted and Dougal, to Ted’s awkward dance moves alongside the dancing priest, this episode is smiles all around.

One-Liners: 5/10

Originally written for the first series, ‘Think Fast Father Ted’ is a testimony to the writers’ talents.

The episode is packed with tonnes of one-liners that will endure:

‘I’m a happy camper!’

‘I’ll do you a cheque.’

‘Chewing gum for the eyes.’

24. ‘Entertaining Father Stone’ – Season 1, Episode 2 (6)

'Entertaining Father Stone' – Season 1, Episode 2
Credit: @frtedqtd / Instagram

SCORE: 6/10

Summary: A most unwelcome houseguest, Father Paul Stone, comes to visit the parochial house on Craggy Island and the key cast spend the duration of the episodes trying to devise plans to escape the paralysing monotony of his presence. 

Plot Line: 6/10

Based on a real-life scenario familiar to every Irish person, Father Stone represents that awkward house guest everyone can relate to. This is an episode in which nothing much happens. Saying that, it still seems to cultivate laughable moments and memorable scenes worth reciting as everyday life anecdotes.

Laugh-O-Metre: 6.5/10

While silence may reign supreme in the second episode, there is certainly no shortage of laugh out loud moments. From the wholly inappropriate behaviour of Father Stone in the bathroom scene to the ridiculous ramblings of Dougal in the hospital waiting room, there is both in-your-face comedy as well as more subtle Irishisms.

One-Liners: 5/10

Dougal’s catchphrase, ‘You’re right there, Ted’ is cemented here, while the other characters define their key mottos which will carry viewers through the three seasons. Jack tells Ted to ‘feck off’ for the first time when he sends Ted flying backwards through a plate glass window.

25. ‘Going to America’ – Season 3, Episode 8 (5)

SCORE: 5/10

Summary: Father Buzz offers Ted a job in LA. Ted cannot find the words to tell the others he is leaving, and they assume that the invitation extends to them. Yet, in a twist of fate, Ted and the others end up right back where they belong: Craggy Island. The writers always made it clear that the series was ending in 1998 with this episode, yet Dermot Morgan’s unexpected death sadly came just a few days after the final scenes were filmed.

Plot Line: 4/10

After a heroic rescue at a priests’ conference, Father Buzz Cagney comes to the parochial house to recruit Ted for a parish in Los Angeles. Guilt-ridden, Ted is unable to tell the others, who assume the invitation to travel applies to the whole group.

Laugh-O-Metre: 6/10

Billed even before it was aired as the last ever episode, the episode has a hint of sadness. Yet it is undeniably packed full of punches, too. In the words of Mrs Doyle, we ‘laugh to hide the tears’.

One-Liners: 5/10

Top three have got to be:

‘It’s fabulous being a priest.’

‘I’ll stick to puppies and cushions.’

‘Big bras.’

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