“I’m not a pervert” claims local nightclub photographer

A Limerick photographer has categorically denied claims that he is a pervert after being barred from several of the city’s nightclubs. Dan Murphy (45) from Smithfield Avenue near Mulgrave Street, Limerick has rubbished claims that he is a perverted voyeur.

Murphy made the claims after a friend accused him of not having any valid reason for carrying the latest Nikon D6 with him on his trips to city nightclubs. The conversation with Billy O’Brien took place in The Pink Flamenco nightclub Limerick City.

A real photographer

“I’m a real press photographer,” Murphy claimed. “We in the photo-journalistic industry need to be prepared for every eventuality,” he said. “You’d never know the night that Madona or Megan what’s her name might decide to go clubbing in Limerick —I needs to be shagging prepared.” he said defensively to Billy. 

“Will you gouwayy to f**k,” Billy replied, angrily. “Shur don’t you work away above in Lidl in Garryowen and only go clubbing to take kinky pictures of young-wans. Jaysus a man your age shouldn’t be going out clubbing at all, ‘twould be more in your line to stay at home watching the Late Late, so it would.”

‘I’m an artist’

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“Photojournalist me h**e, your just a dirty auld man taking pictures of young-wans arses when they’re out dancing,” Billy accused. “Ah, Jaysus no Billy — you can’t be saying that I’m an artist so I am. I sees the beauty in the female form, so I does.”

“Yeah so, how comes you only see the beauty when the young-wans are bending over and wearing them short skirts?” O’Brien asked, then went on to comment, “I’ve never seen you take a photo of an auld-wan in a shagging trouser suit, so I haven’t.”

Slapped by the ‘big lad’

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“And how about the night that big lad gave you a slap ‘cos he saw you eyeing up his girlfriend and asking her back to your studio. Jaysus you don’t even have a studio just a shagging bed-sit above in Mulgrave Street. Seriously you’d want to give it a rest so you would-you’re getting a bad name all over town, so you are.”

“Pictures of auld-wans in trouser suits don’t sell and that young- wan had a lovely bone structure,” Was Murphy’s worrying defence, “and anyway, I needs to give the public what they wants.”

“You never sold a fecking picture in your life. I’ve seen the box full of photos under your shagging bed, along with the three boxes of tissues, so I have. No, seriously Murphy will you ever go out and find yourself a bloody girlfriend before you break your shagging wrist again,” O’Brien said rather cruelly. 

Megan and Madonna show in Limerick 

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Meanwhile in Ireland understands that at this stage in the evening both Murphy and Billy left the club intending to buy a bag of chips on their way home. Just after they had turned the corner towards the chipper, a big black limo pulls up outside the nightclub and Madonna and Megan what’s her name, hopped out to go clubbing in the Pink Flamenco.