A Cork City man has been left astounded that his wife of twenty two years has turned into her own mother. Tommy Kelleher (42) of St Finbar’s Road, Douglas, shocked drinking buddies and a few casual observers when he announced that his wife Olive is a very talented magician.
“When I married her twenty-years ago she was a fine-bit- of-stuff altogether boys,” Tommy told friends at the Dolphin Bar Douglas while he was out having ‘just the one’ pint. “She was a great bit of craic as well,” he told his mates in the bar.
Tommy’s mates wouldn’t believe him until he showed them a photograph of Olive taken on a beach in Benidorm on their honeymoon and compared it to a picture taken last week.
“Feck, that’s weird alright,” was the general consensus. “Are you sure it’s the same woman?” one asked. “Of course I’m fecking sure, shur haven’t I been waking up beside her now for twenty fecking years,” he assured them.
“It’s the same Olive alright. She’s gone and done a magic trick that’s turned herself into her shagging mother, that auld foul-mouthed bag.” “Jaaysuss!” exclaimed another lad, “it must be black-shagging-magic Tommy; no one could carry off a change like that.”
A case of mistaken identity?
Tommy, putting the pictures away, told the lads: “Two days ago, I was lying on the bed cutting me toenails and she came out of the shower with her hair in curlers and nothing else on. Jaysus I nearly died so I did.
“’Feck Mrs Murphy’ says I. ‘When did you arrive?’ I asked, thinking it was the mother-in-law that had snuck in and was using the shower. “It’s me you blind feck,” said Olive. “What do you mean calling me my Mammy’s name?”
“I told her me glasses were all fogged up ‘cos of the steam from the shower and she kind of fell for it, thank God. Feck, I was smart off me feet,” Tommy said, recounting and shuddering at the same time. “Can she change back again?” Joe Joe asked.
It’s black magic
“I’m too fecking scared to ask her,” Tommy replied, “but she has another trick that she does and it only works the one way. She can make me pay-packet disappear in one fecking movement right before me eyes but I never sees the fecking thing again.”
“Feck,” said Joe Joe. “It’s black-shagging-magic. What are you going to do Tommy?” “Ah, Jaysus, I’ve got a fecking grand plan. I’m going to beat her at her own fecking game, so I am. But you’ll have to wait and read about it in the papers,” said Tommy as he left the bar, apparently heading home.
Tommy’s vanishing act
Meanwhile in Ireland can report that Tommy talked Olive into the auld ‘sawing a woman in half’ trick which didn’t work out as expected. Tommy has done a spectacular vanishing act, sold the house and emptied the bank accounts. He has now disappeared along with Tracy, the young-wan from Lidl that he always fancied.