“McGregor is lazy and finished” says 300 pound unemployed man

A man in his fifties who has little to no knowledge of the sport of MMA has came out strongly against Conor McGregor, claiming the Irishman is both “lazy” and “finished” in the aftermath of his defeat of Donald ‘Cowboy’ Cerrone. 

John Mullan, from Mullingar in Westmeath, criticised the former two-weight World Champion from the comfort of his living room whilst smoking his twenty-sixth cigarette of the day. 

McGregor destroys Cowboy 

The comments from Mr. Mullan followed Conor McGregor’s destruction of ‘Cowboy’ at the T Mobile Arena in Las Vegas, United States. McGregor finished the American within forty seconds to signal his return.

After busting Cerrone’s nose with a number of shoulders, McGregor rocked the welterweight with a head-kick before referee Herb Dean stepped in to call a halt to the contest. McGregor secured his first win in MMA since 2016. 

He’s finished 

Without watching the fight himself, Mr. Mullan said that McGregor’s opponent, “that eejit calling himself a Cowboy”, took a dive and “deliberately lost the fight”. Mr. Mullan ranted further and further in an exclusive interview with us here at Meanwhile in Ireland. 

“There’s no other explanation for it. The man took a bit of dough on the side. There’s no way McGregor finishes a man in forty seconds! I don’t buy it. Anyway, he’s lazy and finished. There’s no way he wins a belt again. I’m telling you.” 

When pressed by our reporters as to whether or not he watched the fight, Mr Mullan simply replied; “No, I didn’t. I wouldn’t be seen out of bed at five in the evening never mind five in the morning!” 

Mullan’s fitness regime 

Parallels were soon drew between both Mr. Mullan and Conor McGregor following his strong rebuke. “He couldn’t even run the length of himself never mind the length of that back garden. The farthest he would walk is two minutes up the street to the shop for his smokes,” an eaves-dropping neighbour commented. 

Mullan would smoke between twenty-five to thirty cigarettes a day, sandwiched in between numerous McDonald’s, a local Chinese and a number of tins of Carlsberg before bed. Mullan last weighed in at 300 pounds, the same time Conor McGregor was hitting 170 on the scales. 

‘I’m not envious’ 

We at Meanwhile in Ireland ask the hard-hitting and piercing questions that the public expect, and in keeping with that tradition we took it upon ourselves to press to Mr. Mullan that he was simply envious of McGregor’s exemplar physique. 

“I’m not envious, ya bollox yas. Do you think I care? He’s on all sorts of drugs anyway. Me? I’ve never took a drug in my life. I only drink a few cans a day anyway. And the smokes only do me good. Sure look at the state of his tattoos anyway. I wouldn’t be fussed,” he murmured, whilst downing his Big Mac. 

McGregor to fight for the belt 

Following his emphatic victory over Cowboy Cerrone, Meanwhile in Ireland has learned from UFC President Dana White that McGregor is to fight the old man he punched in a bar for the Welterweight title at UFC 281 at Croke Park in June 2020.