A County Kerry man who told the family “I’m only going for the one,” and was missing from his home for three days has been located.
Gardaí have called off a search for a thirty-year-old Kerry man after he was found confused but well in Dublin.
Search Stood Down
Gardaí have stood down a county-wide search for missing Listowel native, Seaney Murphy, know locally as Murph, after he was found dazed and confused wandering the streets of Dublin on Monday morning.
Passers-by discovered Murphy clinging to railings outside Dublin nightclub Copper Face Jacks during the early morning rush hour.
Gardaí were quickly on the scene and identified the incoherent Murphy from documents found on his person.
Speaking to reporters Chief Superintendent of Listowel Gardaí, Clive Fitzgerald said, “It’s great news that he was found — he had the whole Parish worried.”
“Murph is the local bread delivery van driver and when he didn’t show up for work on Friday the locals suspected something was wrong.” The Chief Superintendent said.
“There wasn’t a sandwich made in Ballyloughran all weekend.” He added.
The Chief Superintendent went on to outline that their initial reaction to Murph’s disappearance was that perhaps he had been kidnapped by an international gang of young-fellas that were seen hanging around Supermacs. “But these turned out to be only a few Spanish students on an exchange program.”
“We next turned our thoughts to the Alien abduction theory.” The Super said.
“There were reports of bright lights, pulsating sounds and vibrations accompanied by loud screams in the area. But that turned out to only be Josie McDonagh after receiving a parcel from Ann Summers. We don’t get much crime in Kerry.” He added.
A Simpler Explanation
Meanwhile in Ireland News has learned that a simpler explanation to Murph’s disappearance is, in fact, the case.
We have learned that while Murph told his granny that he was going out “only for the one” as he had to be up early Friday morning for the bread delivery.
He, in fact, fell into bad company and the promise to the Granny was soon forgotten.
Chief Superintendent Fitzgerald told the many reporters who were anxiously waiting for news of Murph — it being a slow news day in Listowel — what really happened.
“It appears that Murph fully intended to “only have the one” but as he was just about to leave Keane’s pub a busload of female Yank ice hockey players who were on tour entered the pub.”
“Shur he had to stay for the “one for the road” then. The Chief Super related.
“As luck would have it,” The Super continued. “The women were buying drinks all night and it seems that two of them took a real shine to Murph.”
“Anyway, Murph knocked back about a dozen pints before starting on the shots. CCTV images show Murph being led to the back of the tour bus at around eleven pm. as the women continued their journey back to Dublin.
‘What goes on tour stays on tour‘
Witnesses outside Copper Face Jacks Nightclub in Dublin say that they saw Murph in the company of fourteen American ice hockey players stagger into the club.
It is also reported that Murph being the gentleman that he is, walked them back to their hotel in the early hours of Friday morning. What happened back at the hotel over the weekend remains a mystery as neither Murph nor the women are commenting.
A spokesperson for the Cincinnati Women’s Ice Hockey League said, “What goes on tour stays on Tour.”
County Council May Honour Murph
Meanwhile in Ireland News can report that there are calls in Kerry to award Murph the Freedom of Listowel, and that the local GAA club is investigating a town twinning arrangement with Cincinnati.