Sinn Féin advise singing Celtic Symphony will help tackle coronavirus

Sinn Féin, which substantially increased its vote share in the recent general election in February 2020, has thrown their hat into the political debate regarding coronavirus containment procedures by claiming to have found a cure for the deadly disease.

With some political commentators reporting that this is just a publicity stunt to strengthen and curry public favour, party President Mary Lou McDonald is adamant that singing two verses of the popular Wolfe Tones rebel song ‘Celtic Symphony’ will help lessen the risk of people acquiring the virus.

Cameraman threatened 

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Credit: Sinn Féin / Flickr

Speaking to reporters on the steps of Leinster House where she had spent the morning slapping other party leaders around Ms. McDonald said: “It’s obvious to me and it should be obvious to even those two dickheads Varadkar and what’s his name, you know the Fianna Fail lad?” She asked the reporters while throwing a nasty and threatening glance at the kneecaps of a BBC cameraman who was standing a bit too close to her.

“All the medical evidence we have to hand tells us that the coronavirus starts in the nasal passages — that means Joan Burton is fecked,” she joked then continued. “As I said it starts in the nasal passages then proceeds down the throat and infects the lungs.”

The Shinners’ proposals

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“What people need to do is to force air up through the lungs and blow the virus germs clean away and the best way to that is to blast out a couple of verses of a decent auld rebel song like Celtic Symphony, especially the bit with the ‘Oh Ah Up The Ra’.

“You really need to give it a fairly decent blast to get it right,” the President of Sinn Féin and saviour of Irish democracy said, before continuing: “And listen to me carefully as I’ll only say this once, I’m talking a fairly decent blast — a bit like the Canary Wharf one that the lads did before the ceasefire.”

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Reporters listening to Ms. McDonald understood this to be a reference to the London Docklands bombing of 1996 which was carried out by people who really-really-really have no connection to Sinn Féin and have no influence within the party, at all, at all. Honest!

Ms. McDonald who was wearing a chic business sort of a frock thingy which was elegantly cut to allow for the wearing of concealed weapons if required, continued to criticise the other two leading parties by saying: “Shur that lot couldn’t blow their way out of a paper bag, so they couldn’t.”

Proposals go to Department of Health

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The Department of Health in Dublin. Credit:

Meanwhile in Ireland’s political team, who were covering the event, understands that the Sinn Féin proposals have gone to the Department of Health which is expected to begin immediate activation of them. 

We are informed that senior health officials are so scared of Mary Lou if she says jump they ask how high. Leo Varadkar is said to be raging as he is stuck in Washington and can’t do anything about it.