We all love a good Irish joke, so here are ten hilariously funny Irish jokes that will get the whole pub laughing.
Irish people never take themselves too seriously. If we got easily offended, then Irish jokes wouldn’t even exist, so let’s be thankful we are a super chilled bunch with a twisted sense of humour.
The Irish are always the butt of the jokes, especially with the Paddy Irishman jokes, in which Paddy is always made out to be a right eejit.
It’s always so funny to us because we all know someone who resembles Paddy – not to name names, of course – but when there’s some truth to it, it becomes hysterical.
We could talk for Ireland when it comes to telling Irish jokes, but for now, we are going to take a look at some of the best and funniest ones out there. Here are ten hilariously funny Irish jokes that will get the whole pub laughing.
10. The ten-foot ladder – what a rip-off
“Is that the Ballycashel Echo?” asks Mick.
“How much would it be to put an ad in your paper?”
“Five pounds an inch,” a woman replies. “Why? What are you selling?”
“A ten-foot ladder,” said Mick before slamming the phone down.
9. Bad news – 24 hours to live
Dr O’Mahony tells his patient: “I have bad news and worse news, John.”
“Oh dear,” John replies. “What’s the bad news?” asks the patient.
The doctor replies: “You only have 24 hours to live.”
“That’s terrible,” says the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”
Dr O’Mahony replies: “I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.”
8. The pedestrians – religious issues
An Irishman was in New York patiently waiting to cross a busy street.
There was a traffic cop manning the crossing.
The cop stopped after a few minutes and told those waiting to cross the road.
“Okay pedestrians,” he said. “Let’s go.”
The Irishman stood waiting, growing more and more frustrated.
After five minutes he shouted to the cop, “Here! The pedestrians crossed ages ago – when’s it time for the Catholics?!”
7. Bulletproof Irishman – have you met him?
What do you call a bulletproof Irishman?
6. Every Irish joke – the classic head turn
How does every Irish joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.
5. Fifty cents – an absolute bargain
Paudie goes into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila and one Guinness.
The barman lines up shots and goes to get the Guinness.
When he comes back with the pint, all seven shots are gone.
The barman says, “Wow! You sure drank those fast.”
Paudie explains, “You would drink fast too if you had what I have.”
The barman asks, “What do you have?”
The guy reaches into his pocket and says, “Fifty cents!”
4. Excirah and Delirah – sure they’re only delighted
Anto’s missus was in the Rotunda Hospital, ready to give birth to their first child.
When they arrived, the nurse asked, ‘How dilated is she, sir?’.
Anto replied, ‘Delighted? She’s over the feckin’ moon!’
3. A pint and a packet of crisps – stop off at the newsagents
A man went into a shop and asked, ‘Sorry, love, can I have a pint of Guinness and a packet of crisps when you’re ready there.’
‘Oh, you must be Irish,’ she replied.
The man was evidently offended and responded, ‘The cheek, just because I order a pint of Guinness you assume I’m Irish. If I ordered a bowl of pasta, would you that make me Italian?!’
‘No,’ she replied. ‘But this is a newsagents…’
2. Irish weddings and funerals – more drink to go around
What’s the difference between an Irish wedding and a funeral?
At a funeral, there’s one less drunk.
1. Another empty glass – will you have another one?
The barman said to Paddy, “Your glass is empty, can I get you another one?”
Paddy replied, “Why would I be needing two feckin’ empty glasses?”
No matter what mood you’re in, these ten hilariously funny Irish jokes will certainly liven you up. They’re absolute classics that you can share with your friends next time you’re out and about.
Some jokes can be so predictable and so bad that it makes them even more hilarious to hear time and time again – and no doubt the Irish jokes are here to stay. After all, where would the world be without the classic Irish humour?