Top 5 best Paddy Irishman jokes of all time, RANKED

Paddy Irishman jokes are at the centre of Irish humour and Irish culture, here are the top five best Paddy Irishman jokes of all time, RANKED.

If you have never heard a Paddy Irishman joke, you haven’t lived.

Everyone in Ireland knows or has heard an epic Paddy Irishman joke, which occasionally feature their British mates Paddy Englishman and Paddy Scotsman, but the Paddy Irishmen jokes alone are just brilliant!

Anyone who knows the theme knows that Paddy Irishman is always the butt of the joke, but the Irish never take offence because of course, we would rather see the funny side of things.

No-one knows when Paddy Irishman jokes first began, but we are so thankful for them because they are so entertaining.

There are hundreds upon hundreds of Paddy Irishman jokes out there, but we will spare you and instead present the top five best Paddy Irishman jokes of all time. Get ready to laugh!

5. Three Paddies, one leprechaun – that’s not exactly what he was hoping to find

The joke about the three Paddies is one of the best Paddy Irishman jokes of all time.

The three Paddies find a leprechaun, who brings them to the top of his rainbow.

“Slide down the rainbow, and shout out something, and you’ll find it at the bottom,” he says to them.

Paddy the Englishman slides down and shouts gold, and he lands in a huge pot of gold.

Paddy the Scotsman slides down and shouts silver, and he lands in a huge pot of silver.

Now, Paddy the Irishman hadn’t been listening too well, and so he got on the rainbow, began sliding, and shouted, “WEEEEEEEE!”

4. The lumberjack – so that was the problem

Paddy the lumberjack.
Credit: / HansLinde

Paddy got a job as a lumberjack but try as he might, he couldn’t meet his quota of fifty trees a day.

By chance, he saw an ad in a shop window for chainsaws guaranteed to fell 60 trees a day.

So he bought one. But the best he could manage was forty trees a day. So he took it back to the shop and complained that there must be something wrong with it.

 “Let me look at it,” said the man in the shop.

The man took the chainsaw and switched it on. “What’s that noise?” said Paddy.

3. Paddy and the bike – better safe than sorry

Paddy and the bike is one of the best Paddy Irishman jokes of all time.
Credit: / AndersAndersen

Paddy rode his bike to the off-license to get some whiskey.

After choosing a bottle, he walked out to his bike.

He was just about to put the bottle in the basket on his bike for the ride home, but then he thought if it falls off, it might break.

So he drank it first… which turned out to be an excellent decision because he fell off seven times on the way home.

2. Flying Paddy he’s not a psychic

Paddy went on a flight with Ryanair.

Paddy phones Ryanair to book a flight.

The operator asks, “How many people are flying with you?”

Paddy replies, “How the feck do I know? It’s your plane!”

1. Paddy and the half-wit – that’s just disgraceful

Paddy and the halfwit is one of the best Paddy Irishman jokes of all time.
Credit: / hsvbooth

Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, recently received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.

On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. “Tell me about your staff,” he asked Paddy.

“Well,” said Paddy, “there’s the farmhand, I pay him €240 a week, and he has a free cottage.

Then there’s the housekeeper. She gets €190 a week, along with free board and lodging.

There’s also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about €25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife.”

“That’s disgraceful,” said the inspector, “I need to interview the half-wit.”

“That’ll be me then,” said Paddy.

So, there you have the ten best Paddy Irishman jokes of all time, but of course, there are more where that came from, and there will be even more to come, as long as Irish people exist on this planet.

As you can tell, Irish people love to laugh at themselves and tend not to take life so seriously, but if they did, maybe these jokes wouldn’t exist and provide so much entertainment, not only for us but for the whole world. Bring on more Paddy Irishman jokes, to keep the world laughing!