Top 10 hilarious marriage jokes (laughter guaranteed)

We are renowned for our Irish wit and dirty sense of humour; here are ten hilarious marriage jokes that will guarantee laughter.

Don’t get us wrong, we take marriage seriously in Ireland, just like the rest of the world. Still, we also like to make fun of it, especially the stereotypical Irish marriages.

The Irish love a good joke, and we can turn almost any subject into a joke that will have you in stitches, and marriage certainly is no exception.

What makes the combination so hilarious is that the stereotypes are so relatable that we can almost always be reminded of our parents or family friends acting that way.

So let’s take a look at ten hilarious marriage jokes that will guarantee laughter.

10. Driving you to drink – he’s a lucky man

His wife drove him to drink.

Paddy told John that his wife was driving him to drink, but Paddy considers John lucky because his own wife makes him walk.

9. Wedding traditions – men in black

One of the most hilarious marriage jokes is about the men wearing black.

While at a wedding, a little boy asks his dad, “Why does the woman wear white?”

His dad replies, “The bride is in white because she’s happy, and this is the happiest day of her life.”

The boy thinks about this and then says, “Well then, why is the man wearing black?”

8. In a minute – almost ready

I'll be ready in a minute.
Credit: / JESHOOTS-com

Sean was getting irate and shouted upstairs to his wife, “Hurry up, or we’ll be late.”

“Oh, be quiet,” replied his wife. “Haven’t I been telling you for the last hour that I’ll be ready in a minute?”

7. Insurance matters – priorities in check

One of the most hilarious marriage jokes is about insurance.
Credit: / stevepb

A fire burned down the Murphy’s barn.

While Farmer Murphy was out surveying the wreckage, Mrs Murphy called their insurance company and asked them to send a check for $75,000, which was the amount of insurance on the barn.

“We don’t actually give you the money,” the insurance company official explained. “We replace the item that was insured.”

Mrs Murphy exclaimed, “Goodness! In that case, please cancel the policy I have on my husband.”

6. Fish and chips – dinner or the kids?

Fish and chips are funny names for kids.
Credit: / Famifranquoi

Mick phoned his wife and said, “Colleen, I’m just setting off from work; do you want me to pick up fish and chips on my way home?”

His question was met with stony silence. She may still regret letting him name the kids.

5. The proposal – there’s got to be more out there

One of the most hilarious marriage jokes is about the proposal.
Credit: / StockSnap

“Why won’t you marry me?” Paddy asked Síle. “There isn’t anyone else, is there?”

“Oh, Paddy,” sighed Síle, “There must be!”

4. In the nightclub – the one that got away

He is still celebrating.
Credit: / Free-Photos

A married couple goes to a nightclub. There’s a man on the dance floor giving it all the moves – moonwalking, backflipping, everything.

The wife says to her husband, “Do you know that man proposed to me 25 years ago, and I turned him down.”

Her husband says, “Looks like he’s still celebrating!”

3. What about Mick? – sweet Paddy or rich Mick?

One of the most hilarious marriage jokes is about rich Mick.
Credit: / stevepb

Paddy got down on one knee and said to Caitlin, “Sweetheart, on this Valentine’s Day, I want to tell you something.

“I’m not rich like Mick. I’m not a professional athlete like Danny. I’m not a famous surgeon like Martin. But I do love you, and I want to marry you.”

Caitlin replied, “Oh, Paddy, I love you too! What was that you said about Mick?”

2. The compliment – sure, that’s a great compliment

A man asked his wife for a compliment.
Credit: / geralt

Danny O’Shea was looking in the mirror the other day as his wife passed by.

“Honey, all I see when I look in the mirror is a fat, ugly, old man. I could really use a compliment.”

Mrs O’Shea replied, “Right, well, your eyesight is damn near perfect.”

1. The one – a barman’s best friend

One of the most hilarious marriage jokes is about the barman.
Credit: / CumbiaSoul

At a wedding reception, all the married men were asked to stand next to the one person who has made their life worth living.

The barman was nearly crushed to death!

So, ten hilarious marriage jokes, one for every night of the week and more.

It’s easy for us to poke fun at married Irish people because it’s a partnership like no other.

They love to hate each other, and they hate to love each other, but that’s what makes it so bloody hilarious.

The Irish humour is something that only gets better with time, so we can certainly expect more hilarious marriage jokes to emerge.