Irish doctor reduces recommended daily alcohol intake to 11 pints a day

A well-known and respected Mayo doctor has come into some criticism from the Medical Association after he published an opinion altering his advice to patients concerning their alcohol intake.

Dr Pascal Flynn of Ballynatubberean, County Mayo, refused to backtrack on an article he wrote for the Ballynatubberean Monthly Newsletter and Parish News. The publication of the article received widespread coverage in the national media.

‘Used to recommend fifteen a day’

“I used to recommend to my male patients that they drink at least fifteen pints daily, but lately I’m beginning to form the opinion that that may be just a tiny bit excessive. So I’m telling my male patients to reduce there intake to in and about eleven.

“Nobody really wants to overdo it, do they?” Dr Flynn asked the members of the press who had gathered in The Brown Heifer Pub and Lounge Bar after the publication of the controversial article.

“Of course I’m only recommending that to my male patients,” the doctor said. “I’m still recommending that women keep to the two glasses of weak shandy if and when they’re allowed out.”  

Eleven pints excessive?

Source: commons.wikimedia.org (Thomas Shafee)

Peter O’Shea, the Medical correspondent with the Irish Repost, which is an online sort of a publication that usually plagiarizes from the real press, asked Doctor Flynn if he thought that eleven pints a night for men was excessive.

“Ah, Jaysus no!” the doctor replied. “Eleven pints won’t do you any harm in the slightest. Shur ’tis good for the auld metabolism. If the hardworking men of Ballynatubbern didn’t have the big feed of Guinness every night of the week they’d be dying off like flies, so they would.”

“All me patients are middle-aged hardworking farmers and all of them are married to fine stout Mayo women, except for young Peter the hairdresser who sort of doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going if you catch me drift.

“Anyway, once a Mayo man has two sons under his belt, well, there’s not much point saying at home of a night. And to be honest, fine stout Mayo women sort of go past their ‘sell-by date’ fairly quickly. They can turn into right nasty nagging auld-hags so they can,” he said.

Protection from the ‘nagging’ wife

“Now, there is nothing in this world that can bring on sickness in a man than a nasty auld hag of a wife with her nag, nag and more nagging can. If a man doesn’t get out of the shagging house as soon as the dinners eaten well then, he’s leaving himself wide open to all sorts of illnesses so he is.

“Be the Jaysus if you spend too long in the company of a nagging wife then before long depression, constipation, and general pains in the head will surely set in. The only prevention is to get down to the pub as soon as you can and get at least eleven pints down inside you.

“If you get the timing right, the auld hag should be asleep by the time you get home. And even if she isn’t well at least with eleven pints you’ll have the courage to face the auld hag,” the doctor concluded. Unsurprisingly, the Medical Association declined to comment.